Divorce and Separation

Has your relationship become ‘stuck’ in conflict?
Do you argue more and more?
Would you like to Change the Pattern of Conflict and be able to communicate in a better way?

Relationship Counselling can help you communicate in a better way

Relationship Counselling Can Help You Communicate in a Better Way.

Relationship Counselling allows a couple to work through the difficulties they are experiencing in their relationship. Couple Conflict isn’t always about yelling at each other, it may be the opposite and one person withdraws, shuts down from their partner and won’t speak for hours, or sometimes days. How to communicate in a way that the other person will listen is a skill that I can help you with. It is a sad fact that people can inflict such ‘damage’ on each other that the ’emotional injuries’ from constant arguing, or withdrawing and shutting down, can seriously affect a person’s confidence, self esteem and even their health. Children are vulnerable and their exposure to constant arguments or silent tension in the home which can affect their own development.

Common Factors That Can Affect a Relationship

work pressures,
childhood issues (eg. if one person has a volatile family background, been physically or sexually abused or emotionally/psychologically abused)
argument with others (extended family, friend, work colleague etc.)
financial problems
grief & Loss
homesickness
birth of a child
parenting
stress, depression, or health problems

Unfortunately people often don’t see, or ignore the ‘signposts’ that signal ‘red alert’ that their relationship is in serious trouble and separation or divorce is what usually happens. Divorce hurts and is a process which can last for many years. Divorce means “to sever; to separate” and can apply to both marital and de facto relationships. There is hope though, I have worked as a Personal, Relationship and Family Counsellor for 21 years and would like to help you too. Inquire now about my Relationship Counselling Programme

Pre-Divorce

Already Emotionally Separated

Long before the decision to end the relationship is made, a couple may have already “emotionally separated”. Daily life may have become a round of endless bickering, long painful silences, or just routine existence. Feelings of loneliness, anger, despair or general unhappiness may have slowly drained the enjoyment out of life. Jealousy or guilt may also be difficult emotions to cope with. Stress, anxiety and depression are common. At this stage professional help may be helpful and the divorce avoided.

The Divorce

Relationship Legally Over

The signing of legal papers may end months of wrangling over division of property, monies, child custody and visitation rights, but new practical and emotional problems lie in wait as the family structure changes and insecurities mount.

Post Divorce

Life on your Own

This is it. Officially, it’s life on your own or with children to support. For some it’s a sense of relief, for others a time of torturous longing for the past. Sadly, some people experience a sense of failure and smart from feelings of rejection. With hurt pride and low self esteem they struggle to re-build their future. Daily life has an abundance of practical problems to face, from child care to financial management and home maintenance. A partner’s time and skills are sorely missed. Grieving for the past can take its toll on general health. Good nutrition and self-care is essential at this time.

Effects of Divorce on Children

Emotional & Behavioural Patterns – What to Watch For:

The age and personality of the child and how bitter or friendly their parents are handling the divorce may determine how they are affected. Whilst some children may develop skills of independence, adaptability and confidence, others may suffer some emotional and behavioural problems, e.g.

Bed wetting
Clinginess
Regression of normal development
Disinterest in school work
Sadness
Social withdrawal
Sleep problems
Misbehaviour/Argumentative Teenagers may also find adjustment difficult and can experience intense fluctuating emotions from numbness to:
Anger
Sadness
Shame
Embarrassment Some may feel “let down” by their parents and may even blame one and side with the other. Concentration may decline, sleep problems may occur and rebellious behaviour surface or increase.

The Healing Process

Emotional & Behavioural Patterns – What to Watch For:

For adults, dealing with an ex-partner can be an emotionally demanding exercise. Counselling can help couples with conflict resolution plus help people cope with their grief or address any personal issues of low self-esteem, confidence or fears for the future. Unresolved issues of guilt or jealousy can be worked through. Hypnotherapy too is a very good option for addressing personal problems arising from the divorce.

For children, the love and patience of both parents helps them to accept and adjust to their new family structure. Encouraging a positive relationship with your ex-partner benefits their development (unless there is some special reason to avoid them, e.g. violence or sexual abuse). It is important that children do not feel that the divorce is their fault, and giving false hopes of reconciliation is not helpful. Be honest and help your child to grieve in his/her own way. Instill in them that only mum and dad have divorced, parent and child have not.

Co-Parenting

Co-parenting is a difficult area for many separating parents and again Relationship Counselling can help a couple to avoid ongoing conflict and communicate with each other in a better way. has proven to be effective in helping a person to overcome the many difficulties that can cause such ongoing hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment.

Whether you want to avoid separation and divorce or help with co-parenting I have 23 years experience as a qualified Family and Marital Therapist (psychology background) and also 14 years experience as a Qualified Clinical Hypnotherapist.